Does being nice help or hinder you at work? by Lisa Martin

Are you pushy, a pushover or somewhere in between? Perhaps it’s time for you to see where you sit on the “niceness meter.”

As the business world becomes increasingly global, your ability to connect and collaborate with teams of employees and outside contacts is especially important. Those who are pleasant and easy to get along with, in other words are “nice”, will have the greatest success in forming effective professional partnerships and moving their careers forward with less effort.

Being nice at work boils down to respecting the opinions of co-workers, offering colleagues assistance when needed, and being courteous in all your interactions. But being nice also has a dark side. This is the ever-present danger of being too nice, of being a pushover.

Perhaps you try so hard to be liked that at times you are less than forthright, even when the situation calls for you to take a stand. This may make you appear uncertain as a leader or out of touch with reality. Being overly accommodating can also cause you to shoulder more than your share of work, lose out on promotion opportunities, or suffer from burnout.

Could it be we all need an internal niceness meter? (I like to picture a big red thermometer, like those wham-o-meters they have at country fairs.) If, at any given time, we feel our meter rising to the “too nice” level, we can adjust our behavior as necessary. We can assert our boundaries, say no with conviction, and push back rather than be pushed over.

Here are 10 tips that will enable you to be nice in a way that helps your career, rather than hinders it.

1. Define what niceness means to you. Ask yourself, what does being nice mean to me? What does it mean to be a pushover? Imagine specific scenarios – or call up actual situations from your home or work life. Knowing your own trouble spots will help you become more assertive, which is the key to work-life balance.

2. Acknowledge your skills and attributes. In the context of the workplace, if you know your unique strengths and abilities, you’ll know how you “add value.” On the flip side, you’ll know when your abilities are being downplayed or ignored – and be more likely to speak up.

3. Give and take credit where credit is due. Part of being nice is acknowledging the work of others. But don’t let others take all the credit when you played a significant role. Practice being assertive so, when the situation arises, you have the confidence to claim an idea as your own or describe your contribution to a project.

4. Get to know your corporate culture. Familiarity with the internal politics of your organization will help you know how to conduct yourself. Who holds ultimate power and makes decisions that affect you? Know your own “power position” – and claim that power firmly but diplomatically.

5. Recognize cultural differences. People from different cultural backgrounds have different ways of communicating. Some cultures also have strict taboos against “losing face.” Acknowledge that you may have to adjust your communication style – and your “niceness” – depending who you are dealing with.

6. Speak up right away. Sometimes it can be hard to know how to react “in the moment.” If a situation arises where you feel you should have spoken up but didn’t (because you were being polite or were simply caught off guard), set the situation right as soon as possible. That way resentment doesn’t have time to set in.

7. Don’t be afraid to say no. Balance, I often say, is a two-letter word. If you can learn to say no even when you want to say yes, you will have made a huge step on the road to work-life balance.

8. Empower others to help themselves. Sometimes the best help you can provide to another is to show them how to do something themselves. This requires more time up front, but in the long term, it enables others to take responsibility. As mothers, we are intimately familiar with this mentoring strategy.

9. Learn how to delegate. Do you ever feel like the go-to person – all the time? Take control of your “helping instinct” by deciding when you will help and when you won’t. If you have trouble letting go of tasks, watch how others delegate effectively.

10. Claim your authentic niceness. As women we are renowned for our empathy and “emotional intelligence.” This is an attribute we can use to our advantage. However, while being as “nice” as the situation demands, we must consider ourselves (and our careers) at the same time as we consider the needs of others.

Do nice employees finish last? Of course not. Being friendly, helpful and respectful can only enhance your career prospects, but don’t take niceness too far. “Nice” does not mean letting people walk all over you. You need to be assertive and stand up for yourself to finish first.

© Copyright 2008.  Lisa Martin. All rights reserved.