By Lisa Martin

Influence is the capacity or power to be a compelling force on the actions, behavior, and opinions of others, meaning that influence is what you use to get what you must have. You accomplish this by taking charge of your messaging, knowing your audience, and managing people well. Nearly every day, you are engaged in some form of influencing or negotiating in which you are the influencer or the influencee. In all such situations, there are tradeoffs, no matter which side you are on. But even when trading off, are you working to ensure that the balance sheet is skewed in your favor?

If you answered no, here are five obstacles that could stand in the way of your success.

First, is the fear of rejection. If you are afraid that someone is going to reject your efforts and prevent you from achieving a positive outcome, then you are defeating yourself before you begin. So fear of rejection can be a very big obstacle, causing some people to become so afraid of a potentially negative outcome that they won’t even make an attempt.

The second obstacle is not being clear about what you must have as a result of your influencing. For example, maybe you have decided to purchase a particular make and model of car, and your most important “must” for the transaction is staying at or under a certain price. However, in addition to that “must,” you also have a “want,” which is for the car to be silver. But all of the silver cars you’ve seen have larger engines or more equipment than you need, and so cost more than you are willing to pay. This means the color silver is a “want” that you have to eliminate in order to adhere to your “must” factor, which is the price you have determined to pay.

The third barrier is having a poor command of the language. A lack of confidence in your vocabulary and ability to converse well enough to influence people can prevent you from becoming involved in potentially challenging situations. For example, you might not feel confident about speaking with people above or below you in your organization because you are not familiar with their particular issues, which are different from yours. So lacking or even believing you lack the ability to speak clearly and effectively can keep you from trying to influence others.

Something else that can prevent you from becoming an effective influencer is called “situational” influence. What this means is that you are only effective in your influencing in certain situations or with certain people. No matter how good an influencer you are, if you don’t approach people who are in a position to help you, the results of your influencing will be weak.

The fifth hurdle is feeling guilty. If you feel that pursuing your goals is selfish, you might feel guilty and back off, meaning you could fall short of achieving them. In other words, harboring guilt feelings might keep you from making a concerted effort to influence others effectively.

Now that you are aware of obstacles to avoid, here are five strategies to employ to become a more effective influencer no matter what the situation or negotiation you will potentially face.

First and foremost, you have to believe in yourself and believe that what you want (your goals and intentions), is valuable, necessary, and relevant. This means that you have the confidence and self-esteem to pursue what you feel is good for you and good for others, so that there is an opportunity for a win-win-win situation for all involved. And, remember, you can’t influence others if you don’t believe in yourself, in the worth of your ideas, and in the value that you bring to a negotiation.

A second way to exercise influence efficiently is to be very, very clear about your goal. Without a specific goal, it’s difficult to negotiate. Remember the silver car you wanted? If you’re going to negotiate for it, you must know in advance how far you are willing to stretch your parameters and at what point you are willing to walk away. If you are not very specific about what you’re looking for, then you won’t know when you’ve reached the end goal in your negotiations.

Another way to wield influence is to know what your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA) is. In other words, what are the tradeoffs? Never forget that all influencing and negotiation is built around tradeoffs. This comes back to knowing the difference between your “wants” and your “musts”; between knowing what is essential as well as what is non-essential in a negotiation. Making this decision allows you to be clear about how far you will go in negotiating or influencing a situation. It allows you to say, “That’s my bottom line.” But if you don’t know your “musts,” you could walk away from a situation believing that you negotiated or influenced well, when in reality you didn’t get what was on your “must” list. And, remember, if you have the “wants” but you don’t have the “musts,” then you have not negotiated successfully.

Another necessity for a successful negotiation is to identify your audience correctly. First, you have to identify correctly the person(s) you need to influence, and then you have to determine how to get to those people. In other words, you need to find the right people with the power to affect decisions that will support you in obtaining your goals and objectives. If you don’t correctly identify your audience, you could waste a lot of time and effort talking to the wrong people, which brings only failure to the influencing process.

Last, but certainly not least, you have to be seen as a trustworthy individual of high integrity, someone who is looking out not only for his or her own best interests but also for the best interests of the parties he or she is attempting to influence. In other words, you do not want to be seen as someone who feels superior to or is trying to best or get something from others. You want to be seen as a trusted colleague or partner, as someone who is looking out for the best interests of both parties.

Influencing can occur in a variety of ways: Up (with your boss), Down (with your subordinates), or Sideways (with your customers). You can wield influence face-to-face or via phone calls, texting, email, letters, and even sticky notes. You can influence large numbers of people from a stage or platform or small groups from the head chair at a table. So there’s a wide variety of ways in which you can use both oral and written language to influence.

Here are some suggestions for you to build a reputation as a powerful influencer and, therefore, successfully influence anyone at anytime:

1. Know what you want to accomplish. Do you want to buy a car? Do you want to complete a project? Do you want to delegate something or build more efficient teamwork? Whatever you want, always be very clear about your goal.

2. Specifically identify the person you must persuade. Is it someone on your team? Is it a sponsor in your organization? Always study the people in authority in order to decide exactly the one(s) you want to influence.

3. Choose the optimal time and place for persuasion. And always remember that timing is important. The best time to make your case is when there is a sense of urgency on the part of the influencee. And remember also that you will be more successful if the influencing occurs on your turf. A neutral location would be the second-best place. Your third option should be the influencee’s turf.

4. Understand the other person’s position and interests before you begin the process. This means determining whether he or she is close to or far from your position. If your positions are close, the influencee might need only a gentle nudge or a brief conversation in order to come to agreement. If your positions are far apart, however, then you will need to bring in the heavy artillery.

5. While you’re in conversation, listen for overlap and commonality, so you can begin your discussion from a position of agreement. Listen carefully, ask questions, make sure you understand what is being said, value the influencee’s points of view, explain clearly what you think, and be sure that the other person understands what you’re saying. Doing these things will help to ensure the agreement will end in a way that is inclusive and fair.

6. Prepare to sacrifice “wants” to gain “musts.” Always try for the BATNA, and remember that all influencing and negotiation is built around tradeoffs.

7. Be sure there is opportunity for a win-win-win situation for all involved. Creating a win-win-win perception will ensure that everyone involved feels good about what’s happening, because they all need to achieve the “what’s in it for them” factor.

8. Reflect on and reaffirm the agreement, which means summarizing it as you go through the process. Think back on and recount the points in the agreement, so it becomes and remains solidified as you move forward.

9. Aim for a commitment, because buy-in is as important as an agreement. Without buy-in, nothing happens. People often agree to things with no intention of honoring the agreement. If they feel pushed into a corner, they’ll comply but they won’t connect. So, to ensure that the process is fair, aim for a solution that each person is comfortable with and willing to work to achieve.

10. Document the agreement as necessary, and get started. You want to put it into action, so as soon as you reach an agreement, get moving. The longer you wait to move on the agreement, the higher the chances are that something will spoil it.

The better you become at influencing the more productive and happy you will be in your career and life. The key to your success as an effective influence will be your belief in yourself, the worth of your ideas and in the value that you bring to a negotiation. Go forth and create win-win-win dynamics.

© Copyright 2011. Lisa Martin. All rights reserved.